Anxiety is the worst. Panic disorder is the worst. They hit you suddenly, uninvited. It hurts every time. And it doesn’t stop there. It will stay in yourself for days, at least it is for me. You will feel tired for days, you will feel demotivated for days, you will have doubts in yourself for days. It is just me? Why this thing happened to me? Why my heart beats faster whenever I’m out in public? Why I get panic over little things? Why no one wants to believe me? And so many other questions that will linger around your head for days, for weeks, for months, for the rest of your life. It doesn’t have any answer. You just kinda have to, accept it. It is the way it is.
I try to live my life accepting the fact that I’m always gonna wake up with the feeling of anxiousness, not knowing when my panic attack will hit me and so many more stupid questions that I know I don’t have any answers to that. I try to live my life with the fact that I’m always gonna be scared in front of people, always gonna have limited social life, small circle of friends or sometimes I don’t even feel like I have one but that is just the reality of my life and I have to accept it whether I like it or not cause at the end of the day, it is part of me. I can’t hate myself even though I always do but I can’t do anything about it. Everyday is a trial, a battle that I have to fight on my own. No one can really help me. Medication helps, yea but only at that moment and then you’re back to your pathetic old self.
Acceptance, is the one way to continue living. Once you accept who you are, accept that anxiety is always gonna be part of you, then you can continue living and face this battle with more courage. You can do this, we can do this. I can do this.