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Addiction Confession Self Esteem/Body Image


I have a serious addiction towards pornography. It has been years I’m fighting againts it. Everytime I fight, i will always end up losing. Losing to myself. I cant help it. I had try many ways and method to stop my addiction. But, its didn’t work.

I hate myself. The longest i can hold myself from pornography only a month. Eventhough i dont do the real drugs, but this is a drugs for me.

Its like a drugs for me because if i dont do it, i will feel stress and anxiety. My mind will be out of control.

There’s a time when i try to fight it by hurting myself. I hit my head hard againts the wall. Everytime i lost to it, its make me thinking “why dont i just die if i keep doing this sin?” “suicide and save myself or die fighting?”

Today, this matter become more serious which i can reflect on myself. I’m start looking at women as sex materials. I guess this is what we called ‘pervert’. I have older sisters at my home. I’m really afraid if one day, i cant control myself. If you get what I’m trying to say.

I dont know what should i do anymore. I dont want to see a women as a sex materials. I dont want to watch the porn anymore. I dont want to masturbate anymore. I really want to stop. This matters makes my life even worse. I lost myself confident. I lost myself esteem.

Please help me!


*sorry for my broken english

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  • Reply
    October 26, 2018 at 5:00 pm

    Hey ZACK

    I get you. I feel you. And I think that you are incredibly brave to be open and honest with yourself about your problem, instead of lying to yourself/others, telling yourself that if no one knows it doesn’t matter, etc. It’s not easy to be upfront with yourself about your shortcomings, but having the self-awareness and the desire to improve is even better. I am glad you have taken that step.

    What I want to say is, I know someone who is currently developing a programme that can help intervene with this problem and other Internet behaviours. It’s currently being evidenced and might be launched in the near future, but you need to be ready and willing to participate. If you are interested, I can help put you in touch with them. The reason why I am typing this because as far as I know, there is no help around here for those who have this specific addiction. I hope you will give some thought for it, or go for any other method which may be able to help you.

    All the best!

  • Reply
    November 18, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    salam. we’ve the same issue. things that you’ve done, are exactly same like me. i used to cut myself, as a punishment, since i felt guilty with myself. you know that feelings, when you’re trying to stop, but you just can’t. sometimes you’re okay with it, sometimes you’re craving for it. and yeah, i’m still struggling with it. i hope both of us, and those who have problem like us, can get out this situation as soon as possible. i don’t want to create another addiction (self harm) anymore.

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