I have a serious addiction towards pornography. It has been years I’m fighting againts it. Everytime I fight, i will always end up losing. Losing to myself. I cant help it. I had try many ways and method to stop my addiction. But, its didn’t work.
I hate myself. The longest i can hold myself from pornography only a month. Eventhough i dont do the real drugs, but this is a drugs for me.
Its like a drugs for me because if i dont do it, i will feel stress and anxiety. My mind will be out of control.
There’s a time when i try to fight it by hurting myself. I hit my head hard againts the wall. Everytime i lost to it, its make me thinking “why dont i just die if i keep doing this sin?” “suicide and save myself or die fighting?”
Today, this matter become more serious which i can reflect on myself. I’m start looking at women as sex materials. I guess this is what we called ‘pervert’. I have older sisters at my home. I’m really afraid if one day, i cant control myself. If you get what I’m trying to say.
I dont know what should i do anymore. I dont want to see a women as a sex materials. I dont want to watch the porn anymore. I dont want to masturbate anymore. I really want to stop. This matters makes my life even worse. I lost myself confident. I lost myself esteem.
Please help me!
*sorry for my broken english